“Things I Was Thinking in Hot Topic After My 3-Year-Old Daughter and I Were Greeted by a Very Provocatively Dressed Salesgirl,” by Wayne Gladstone

So, is there, like, a backroom where you change for work, or do you walk around like that?

Would it be possible for me to see that room?

I used to have very long hair.

And an earring.

In fact, Trent Reznor and I went to Hebrew school together.

You know who that is, right?

And, oh, my daughter is my niece. No, not my niece. She’s an orphan I adopted to indoctrinate into the ways of the vampire.

Can you tell by the way I’m checking out this skull-and-crossbones key chain that I’m secretly dangerous?

I knew I shouldn’t have worn my Dockers today.

Pee on me.

from the incomparable McSweeney’s
lots more Wayne Gladstone here

Comments (3) to ““Things I Was Thinking in Hot Topic After My 3-Year-Old Daughter and I Were Greeted by a Very Provocatively Dressed Salesgirl,” by Wayne Gladstone”

  1. It’s funny when people that are not the demographic of a store, walk into that store and then try to be funny about what it sells.

    It’s like me walking into a Victoria’s Secret and making fun of the “pink”.

    No pun intended.

  2. Laughed my ass off.

  3. I was just reading this on McSweenys the other day and sent it to someone becasue I thought it was hilarious. I read your blog all the time, by the way. It’s great. Loved the Alfred Hitchcock stuff. Hope you are well.